Me

1:12PM

It's funny how I never actually follow up on my urge to post anything here unless I'm being demolished by life itself.

I'm moving to Portland in a month. I'm going to Sasquatch this coming weekend. I'm going to be done with school for a while at least. Rad things be goin' down.

Nonetheless, I feel like I'm being demolished.

Current mood: drained

11:10PM

The holidays would be much more convenient if I owned my own vroom-vroom. Really, Christmas was pretty good. I spent a lot of the holiday restless and more of it unrested. I did make it to a shindig with high school people which was odd, but refreshing. I also managed to spend time with most of my family. I was very sleepy though. I look forward to sleeping in a bed that fits me, or a bed really, or maybe just not in a living room. My glasses broke on Christmas eve. A weld broke on one of the rims and I don't have eye insurance, so I have to buy new glasses, or maybe contacts or something. That little bit of idle whining aside, compared to last Christmas this one was amazing; mono-free is the way to be. (I feel sort of like I'm babbling incoherently, only typing.)

Even though this term is looking like it will be super stressful, I feel good about where my life is moving for the first time in quite a while.

Current mood: tired

12:49AM

Haven't posted in 19 weeks.

Huh.

Current mood: sick

Current music: DJ Shadow

3:13PM

I feel like I've been run over by a big stupid train of my own making.

Current mood: disappointed

1:27AM

Hmmm...

Perhaps a pre-predicament?

Current mood: sleepy

2:54AM

I don't know if I've ever been as frustrated and just down right angry as I've been today.

I honestly don't think anyone's noticed.

I wish that I would let myself worry as much about myself as other people.

Current mood: furious

Current music: Blades of Glory in the next room

3:44AM

Your results:
You are Dr. Simon Tam (Ship Medic)

Dr. Simon Tam (Ship Medic) 85% Malcolm Reynolds (Captain) 80% Kaylee Frye (Ship Mechanic) 65% Zoe Washburne (Second-in-command) 60% River (Stowaway) 50% Derrial Book (Shepherd) 45% Inara Serra (Companion) 40% Jayne Cobb (Mercenary) 35% Wash (Ship Pilot) 35% Alliance 30% A Reaver (Cannibal) 15%

Medicine and physical healing are your game, but wooing women isn't a strong suit.

Current mood: tired

12:39PM - From Nathan!

6:50PM

I've been getting screwed over so frequently this week. It's awesome.

6:40PM

My brain feels all mushy inside.

Current mood: depressed

10:58PM

I got 100% on my thermodynamics midterm this week. I think this is the first time I've ever gotten a perfect score on a physics test, certainly the first time in an upper division course. I went to the Horning lecture on cosmology and I not only already understood it, but I knew the mathematics behind a lot of it and knew what was wrong with his over-simplifications. I'm finally starting to gain some sort of intuition in my electronics class. I'm doing great in my classes, it's fantastic! Now, I just wish some of that competence would spill over into the rest of my life.

I managed to buy the wrong power supply off of ebay again. I was being dumb the first time and didn't check the power rating of the thing. This time, I somehow just bought the wrong damned one. I keep dropping the ball organizing things for the SPS. I keep breaking things. I haven't finished my FAFSA yet, though I guess that's not all my fault. I've been trying to get myself up to Portland to see my dad and stepmother for almost two months now. I haven't even managed to get their Christmas gifts to them yet. I managed to fuck up my leg last night pretty nicely. Which, on top of my fears of having set back the healing process, made the deer-in-the-headlights routine I keep finding myself in feel that much more pathetic tonight.

I think I'm going to go watch Jesus Camp with Haak and Brenna. I get to see how terrifying the world is beyond my little fogbank of incompetence.

Current mood: frustrated

Current music: Jesus Camp

11:07PM

I've been waiting expectantly, on the edge of my seat for it to happen for so long. I'm so eager for it to happen that everything that I have to do until then just feels like worthless drudgery. Tasks keep getting harder to complete, even to start because they just seem like filler. I'm just biding my time until the wait is over. The only problem is that I have no idea what I'm waiting for. I just feel like I'm endlessly waiting for something. I don't know if it's graduating, the end of the term, the weekend, being told my leg is healed, finding meaning in my life, maybe going on a freaking date, I don't know! What's got two thumbs and has no clue? I'd tell you, but the gag has a visual portion.

Current mood: impatient

Current music: Kevin playing Stepmania

4:29PM

I think my head is two sizes too large.

Current mood: ?!?

12:53AM

So... I should be in bed right now. However, my bedroom (and other select areas of the basement) flooded over the course of today. There was some dampness on my floor this morning, but I couldn't tell what it was from so I forgot about it. While we were out to dinner tonight Brenna called and told us about the flooding and Kevin, Trevor, and I spent an hour or two cleaning tons of water up and gettings tuff moved around the basement. Didn't help that the table down there was disgusting and that cleaning it off to deal with the rug was another huge ordeal on it's own. So I'm on the couch tonight and my roomies that normally get sweepy at 10 PM are still up at 1 in the morning. So, while we're waiting to start the new Family Guy I'm typing this on Haakan's computer. And of course I'm not using my computer... because my power brick stopped working so I've no longer got a computer until I replace it.

Went to a BBQ today though.

Good Sunday.

11:47PM

I fucking hate this. Why do I have to be miserable all the fucking time?

Current mood: sick

4:17AM

Life gets better. I went to the hospital tonight and I tested negative for strep. I was so happy I took a bunch of people out for dinner. I should've ordered soup and tea rather than chicken and a milkshake. I still have a pretty angry sore throat.

5:56PM

So, this morning constituted one of the most frustrating times I've had in my entire life.

I woke up with my sore throat worse than when I had gone to bed. It hurt to breath and I was physically incapable of making myself swallow even my own saliva. To make it worse I also had the soreness, headache, swollen neck, ear ache and fever that I've gotten so accustomed to coming along with strep throat, at that point I pretty much decided that I probably wasn't just having an allergic reaction like I thought I was at my mom's house. I decided that since I couldn't take a shower to open my throat a little (what I've done the previous two times I've had strep this school year) I'd have to make myself tea and just slowly get it down. Due to my pure gimpitude getting to kitchen, making tea and carrying a cup of scalding water somewhere where I could sit down probably took about 20 minutes, then another 10 or so to get any down. I wasn't able to manage to get any pain killers down for another hour and a half. Of course, by that time Candice had gotten home to let the dog out. Fun fact: the dog hates crutches. So, I finally start freaking out. I can't walk, I can't eat, I certainly can't take care of myself, I can't shower which is causing me attacks of OCDness, I've found out that strep at the frequency I'm getting it at is an indication that I might have to have my tonsils removed, every time I touch my crutches the dog freaks out and starts barking, and then when I start moving she attacks my ankles, biting my broken ankle twice. I was so upset and frustrated I almost started crying because I couldn't handle it anymore.

Things got a little better after that. Candice helped me get some more tea and soup and offered to take me to the emergency room when she got off of work. I also managed to get some pain killers down. The soreness has gone down a lot. I'm trying to convince myself that I shouldn't go to the doctor tonight, that I don't have strep since it feeling a bit better... I dunno, I probably should, but I'm really tired of being sick and being at the hospital, somehow on some level I think I've decided if I don't go in I'll just get better, even though consciously I know it's probably not true.

Fuck.

Current mood: frustrated

11:27PM

People keep asking me how I broke my leg, so here's the story:

So, it all started Friday night. I was taking a long hike in the Cascades when I heard a distressed yelling. I looked up slope to see, careening towards me at great speed across the pristine snow, a house. Now this was no normal house, it was a genuine, three story, Tudor mansion and it was on fire. Thinking nothing of my own safety I plunged head first through one of the bay windows as the building shot past me.

I stumbled about, slightly disoriented by my sudden entry, my eyes already becoming bleary with smoke. The flames curled about me, licking at my heels when I was shaken from my stupor by the cry of a child. Knowing that I had no time to lose, I leaped into action, darting up the crumbling inferno that was once a staircase. I burst into the room bewildered to see, not one child, but an entire room full of beds. I was in an orphanage. I swept the nearest two children up off of their feet and cleared the stairs in a single bound, pushing the sobbing angels out the door as gently as I could onto the snow as we skidded faster and faster down the hill.

Back and forth I went, carrying the children two by two, becoming weaker and weaker each time until the I was very nearly out the door with the last child. Before I could make my way to safety the little girl sobbed, "No! My puppy is still up-upstaiws!!" My eyes darted in the direction the house was moving. Everything was blurry as I'd lost my glasses in rush, but there was only one thing that expanse of emptiness ahead of us could mean. Hardening my heart, I knew there was only one thing I could do. I set the girl outside the door and she skidded to gentle halt into a snow drift as I plunged once again into the blazing mansion.

Fighting my way up first one flight of stairs, then another I found myself in a wide open space. What was once an attic playroom had turned into a nightmarish scene from the bowels of hell itself. Struggling past flaming teddy bears, a doll who babbled ceaselessly as he plastic flesh melted away. It was almost too much to bear for me, I began to despair, lose hope. I stumbled to my knees, crawling through piles of toys. I passed through a mess of wooden blocks, sure that their colorful letters, no longer distinguishable by my blind eyes, spelled out the tauntings of an angel of death. It was then that I heard that faint whimpering and knew that my task was almost over.

From some reserve previously unknown to me I summoned the energy to stand once more, snatching the frightened puppy into my arms. I dashed towards the window readying myself to leap into the snow below. As my body tensed to leap, I felt the world drop away. The house had flown off of the precipice I had seen earlier. In that instant, as my forward momentum carried me through the attic window.

I fell in slow motion, weak limbs flailing as I held the small life close to my chest. Luck! My hand grabbed hold of the freezing, crumbling stone edge above me, but with the dog in my other hand I knew I could never climb to safety. I reached above myself and set the shivering ball of warmth on the ledge just as the rock in my other hand gave way.

I fell.

I fell.

I fell . . .

. . . into a pothole in the alley across the street while walking to Kai's house. Fractured a bone in my ankle and another in my foot. No joke.

Current mood: sick

3:34AM

Man, it's been a very rocky vacation. Many ups and downs.

Up: Good parties, much drinking, much wackiness.
Down: Terrible hangovers.

Up: Met some new folks, all filled with awesome.
Down: Random awkwardness unexpectedly.

Up: To Corvallis.
Down: To Eugene. A few times.

Up: With hope.
Down: With dope. Just kidding. I dropped acid for the first time. It made everything more interesting. Nothing else to report.

Up: Did pretty well in my classes.
Down: Still haven't decided what I'm taking next term.

Up: Less than half a block to hang out at Kai's place.
Down: Managing to break two bones on the way there.

Up: They're just fractures.
Down: It still sucks. I can't even get a cast put on for over a week because there's too much swelling.

Up: I've started fencing and playing indoor soccer with friends, both activities being a ton of fun.
Down: I broke my leg last night.

Up: I've had some pretty rockin' good times . . .
Down: . . . in between being hit in the face by the Mallet o' Depression.

Current mood: restless, tired, in pain

Current music: Music sounds like a great idea. Gorillaz maybe?

2:59PM - I Am A Happy Camper

I had an excellent night last night, though parts are admittedly hazy. Rocked some indoor soccer for two hours with some friends at McAlexander field house. I now am throughly sore, but it was a blast and I crave another game. That was followed by a party of party-like proportions (like I said, a bit hazy). However, it was what happened this morning before I awoke that left me ecstatic. Not only when I got up was the house throughly unwrecked (it was rather the other way when I went to bed), but we now have a new dishwasher and our water pressure was fixed. I can't believe I'm this giddy I am about this.

Now... off to finish my grading!

Today will be a good day.

Current mood: happy